Couples and Couple Therapy with a Transgender Partner
Couples who are married or in a committed longterm relationship face many challenges when one of them discloses to the other that they are "Transgender" or identify with the other sex or gender. This can create intense emotional distress and insecurity in the marriage or relationship, including feelings of confusion, deceitfulness, anger, anxiety, sadness, and guilt. Both partners can be very emotionally vulnerable at the time of disclosure. leading to interpersonal conflict, separation, and substance abuse that could further threaten the security of the relationship. Partners often have learned some information about transgender persons in the media and may have fears and make assumptions that their partner wants to take cross-sex hormones, have sex reassignment surgery, and fully transition from one gender to the other. The partner who has disclosed their gender identity issues may not yet understand these issues themselves and can be vulnerable to fears that their spouse or partner will end the relationship. The partner who has been disclosed to may feel it is in some way their fault or have insecurity about their sexual attractiveness to their spouse or partner. The period of disclosure can create a crisis that leads to a spiral of distress and disorder in the relationship. Partners wonder who they can talk with and what to do if their are children involved. MArital and and family therapy can help couples address all these issues and prevent unnecessary distress , conflict, and avoidance in the relationship. Emotion Focused Couples Therapy is an effective approach to helping couples in relationship distress.
What is Emotion Focused Couple Therapy?
EFT is a short term (8-20 sessions), structured approach to couples therapy which blends systems theory, experiential therapy and attachment theory. It was formulated in the early 1980’s by Drs. Susan Johnson and Les Greenberg. EFT is based on clear, explicit conceptualizations of marital distress and adult love. These conceptualizations are supported by empirical research on the nature of marital distress and adult attachment. EFT is also used with families. A substantial body of research outlining the effectiveness of EFT now exists. Research studies find that 70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery and approximately 90% show significant improvements. EFT is recognized by the American Psychological Association as empirically proven.
The major contraindication for EFT is on-going violence in the relationship EFT is being used with many different kinds of couples in private practice, university training centers and hospital clinics and many different cultural groups. These distressed couples include partners suffering from disorders such as depression, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorders, sexual dysfunctions and chronic illness.
Dr. St.Claire works with couples using Emotion Focused Couples Therapy and has completed advanced training in marital and couples therapy using this approach.
Learn more about Emotion Focused Couples Therapy at www.iceeft.com
HOLD ME TIGHT is a book written by Dr. Susan Johnson that presents a streamlined version of Emotion Focused Couples Therapy (EFT). It walks the reader through seven conversations that capture the defining moments in a love relationship and instructs how to shape these moments to create a secure and lasting bond. Case histories and exercises in each conversation bring the lessons of EFT to life.
Seven Transforming Conversations:
- Recognizing Demon Dialogues—In this first conversation, couples identify negative and destructive remarks in order to get to the root of the problem and figure out what each other is really trying to say.
- Finding the Raw Spots—Here, each partner learns to look beyond immediate, impulsive reactions to figure out what raw spots are being hit.
- Revisiting a Rocky Moment—This conversation provides a platform for de-escalating conflict and repairing rifts in a relationship and building emotional safety.
- Hold Me Tight—The heart of the program: this conversation moves partners into being more accessible, emotionally responsive, and deeply engaged with each other.
- Forgiving Injuries—Injuries may be forgiven but they never disappear. Instead, they need to become integrated into couples’ conversations as demonstrations of renewal and connection. Knowing how to find and offer forgiveness empowers couples to strengthen their bond.
- Bonding Through Sex and Touch—Here, couples find how emotional connection creates great sex, and good sex creates deeper emotional connection.
- Keeping Your Love Alive—This last conversation is built on the understanding that love is a continual process of losing and finding emotional connection; it asks couples to be deliberate and mindful about maintaining connection.